You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
