i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yo dont text me then not text me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did i walk over a car last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
