The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
