its not stalking. its research.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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