Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
