Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
