i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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