is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
