Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
