Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
