Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
