Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
