The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
