Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
