i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
