Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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