Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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