So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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