yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
