okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
