if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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