we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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