dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
