she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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