I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
