i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
