I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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