I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
