just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
