im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
