i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
