yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
