I hate your face
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
