I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But break dance skills will only take you so far
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
