You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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