she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
