I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
