life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
