how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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