there was a trapeze. enough said
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
