So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
