hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
