I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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