Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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