This girl is more easily done than said...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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