Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
