you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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