Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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