we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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