I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
