brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
