You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
