Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
