I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
3 2 1 whiskey
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
